Word Vomit...warning..long post!

Okay, so I have had several people ask me how Mark and I are doing lately. At first I wanted to just put on my happy face all the time and just fake it till I make it with being happy, but the other day I came across a blog of a girl that I went to beauty school with who lost her 2 year old daughter over the summer. I love her blog because she is completely honest everyday about how she is feeling. I have heard too, that if I am honest about how I am feeling and express it, it will help more with the grieving process. So here it goes.......First off though, I want to say that there are so many times that the spirit comforts me, that my wonderful husband comforts me, that certain friends comfort me by just letting me vent, and that my family comforts me. There are lots of times that I feel very happy and that I am totally content with the fact that my baby is in the Spirit World being a great missionary and that he is needed there. But sometimes, okay, a lot of times, I am just sad!! I want him!!! How is it fair that Mom's who are on drugs or who don't want their babies can keep them but I cant. Even sometimes when I am not thinking about Miles I just feel like there is a huge cloud over me. And sometimes simple things overwhelm me. For instance, yesterday I called the hospital to talk to someone about getting our hospital bills set up on a payment plan and they kept transferring me to someone else, and no one had any sympathy for me. Not that they knew my circumstances but dang it, be nice to me!!! SO I got off the phone and I just lost it!!! It's just weird. I am definately going through a weird period in my life. After talking to grievance councelors and reading a book that the hospital gave us about losing your baby I have come to realize though that I'm not going crazy, that all these weird feelings are completely normal. So that makes me feel good. But I'm not going to lie, it's just hard! Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am and how well I am handling this trial, but a lot of times I feel like my head is barely above the water and I am treading so hard but I cant get any higher above the water. I tell you all this, not for more sympathy, but just so you know that if you see me and I randomly start crying, I am okay, I will get through this!!!! I read my scriptures this morning for about an hour and I feel really good today. Last night we went to the hospital to pick up more pictures of Miles and I thought it would be really hard, but it brought me great comfort! So even though this is hard, the Lord does comfort me!!! One thing I have learned through this too is that me and Mark grieve differently. He gets sad too, but I think because I am sad a lot, he is the one who feels like he needs to comfort me and he does an amazing job at that. That is one of the many blessings that have come from this trial, our marriage is so much stronger and we have so much deeper love for one another. I love Mark so much! He is so patient with me and always wants to do what makes me happy. And the feeling is always mutual! I can't imagine my life without him. I have also learned that there are so many good people in this world!!! I can't tell you how much love and support we have recieved through all of this! So even though this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy, lots of good things have come from it too. I am grateful for my life, we have so many blessings, just sometimes it gets hard for me to see them through the clouds, but they are there! I just have to keep looking for them!!!

Christmas 2008

Christmas this year was really good. I think with everything that happened with Miles, if it had been any other time of year, it would have been a lot harder for me. But I kept myslef busy Christmas shopping and making gifts and sending lots of time with family. Sometimes it was still hard because I wanted Miles to be there, but all in all, it was a good Christmas. Christmas Eve, we went with my family to my uncle John's and both sets of my grandparents were there, my aunt Paula, my family, John and Mylie's family, my cousin Heather, and the missionaries. We ate, and ate, and ate, my grandpa Dahl told a couple Christmas stories from his mission and my Grandma Whatcott told a story of when her family lived in a chicken coop during Christmas during the Great depression. We then had a white elephant gift exchange! It was a lot of fun.

I told Mark I wanted to take a pic of us and this is what I got.......


Here is me, my cousin Emily, and my cousin Heather

Now to Christmas morning. We were staying at my parents house while I recovered from my C-section (they stink by the way, if you have had one, you know what I'm talking about). We moved into a new basement apartment and I couldn't go down stairs for like 3 weeks. So Christmas morning my bro Taylor and my cousin Heather were already up, but when Mark and I woke up Mark thought it would be funny to blast my Dad's radio to wake everyone up to open presents! It was hilarious to see him and Taylor act like little kids on Christmas morning. I still don't know if they were kidding or if they were really that excited! ha ha.

Here is Taylor reading Luke 2. Reading that is our family tradition. I think my parents wanted to torture us kids growing up by making us read that before opening any presents. This year Taylor read it, and he read it so fast I dont think any of us heard it. It was funny.

Here is my goofy Dad. When he gets time to watch TV, he loves to watch PBS or channels like that because he loves documentaries. So my cousin Heather got him one on Sharks. So this is his excited face.

I don't know if you can see it very well, but my parents got us a beautiful picture of the Savior walking and holding hands with a little blonde boy who is probably about 2 years old. My mom said when she saw it, she had to get it for us because it reminded her of Miles. I of course lost it! I think this was my favorite (or one of) my favorite Christmas presents. I love to think of my precious Miles walking with the Savior!!!!

My wonderful husband got me a spa package for Christmas! I get a 1 hour massage, a facial, mani, and pedi!!!!! We were only going to spend about $50 on each other, but he definately over did it!! He said I deserve it!! Oh what a sweet guy!! Oh and my Dad got my mom one too so we can go together! Here is us being excited!!!

So I was dumb and didn't take hardly any pictures at Mark's parent's house when we went over there, but it was so fun there too. The kiddos did the nativity, as you can see here, we ate, and ate, and ate, and we sang songs, opened presents, etc..... It was fun! Mark's bro Clint and his wife Alison had Mark and I for Christmas this year and they got me a beautiful bracelet with Miles' birthstone and his name engraved on it. I absolutely love it!!!!!!! Thanks guys!!!

Later that day, we went back to my parent's house and hung out there. It was a great Christmas!

Our 1st Anniversary

So.....while I was in the hospital Mark and I celebrated our first anniversary! (I know, what a way to celebrate! ha ha). It actually ended up being pretty good. I have an amazing husband who made it very enjoyable for me. He got takeout from Oregano's (our favorite) and we rented a movie. We had sparkling cider and listened to John Mayer. If the dang nurse hadn't kept coming in every 20 minutes, it might have almost seemed normal. But all in all, my wonderful husband made the night awesome! This will be an anniversary we never forget.

This first pic obviously is my belly. This was 1 week before Miles was born.


Me and my cute husband (I know, I look great. ha ha)

The 2 love birds again

Mark bought me a fleece robe and it has become one of my favorite things, I even like to sleep with it because it's so soft!

Here is Mark cutting our wedding cake that we froze for a year. I love traditions! (Mark thinks they are silly, but he likes to make me happy!).

Happy Anniversary to US!!!!!!

My Baby Miles

Hello everyone this is finally Ashley again and thank you Debbie for updating for me through al of this.  It has been such a crazy week.....or should I say 7 weeks.  Mark and I are doing pretty good, at least as good as to be expected.  We are so grateful for everyone's love and support, and prayers in our behalf.  We definately feel the presence of the Holy Ghost comforting us a lot of the time.  Even in the couple hours before Miles past away, and especially while and after he did.  We miss our son so so so so much and wish for nothing more that we still had him here with us but feel so much peace about how everything happened.  Our little guy had such an impact on so many people and he was definately a special spirit.  We feel priviledged to be the parents of such a pure perfect spirit.  And to know he gets a straight shot to the Celestial Kingdom and doesn't have to live in this evil world is what keeps us going.  Of course we have our moments, sometimes I just want to hold my baby, ya know?  But we know this is how Heavenly Father wanted this to happen and that our precious little Miles only needed to come briefly to get his body.  We also take great comfort in knowing he is ours forever and we will get him back!!!!!  I know that FAmilies can be Together Forever and now we want to work extra hard to make sure we get there to be with our son!!!!   I also wanted to let everyone know that we are going to have a little funeral for him this Saturday Dec. 13th at 10am at the church on Cooper and Houston.  Houston is halfway between Baseline and Guadalupe.  Anyone who would like to come is definately invited to come!  We would love it if you came but we also understand if you cant make it.  If you have any questions about anything, just leave me a comment and I promise I will answer you!!!  Thanks everyone for everything!!!

Miles Photos

A professional photographer came to take pictures of Miles and we got them today. They are very sweet and we wanted to share.

Saying Goodbye

Mark and Ashley Huston have had to say good bye to their little Miles Dillon Huston today. He was born in an emergency C section on Mon Dec 1 and passed away about 50 hrs later. He was 14 weeks premature and weighed 2lbs. 8 oz. All that could be done in his behalf was done, and it was evident that he didn't need to remain here with us any longer. It's amazing how fast he stole all our hearts.

This is Debbie updating again. What is written above is the email my mom sent out to the family. Mark and Ashley had some hard decisions to make yesterday and I personally think they made them all right. Here they are waiting.

and here they are saying goodbye to their sweet boy. They both showed so much strength and understanding and we all feel very blessed to have the knowledge of Gods eternal plan. It makes times like this a little easier (but it is still very hard).

And there are three in the family

This is Mark's sister Debbie here keeping you all updated.

Today Miles Dillon Huston was born I am not sure about all the numbers that come along with this news, I will find it out and edit this post later, so check back again.
2lbs 8oz

13 and some odd inches long

This is his little hand by Marks wedding ring This is my index finger by his tiny leg.

Ashley was 26 weeks pregnant today. She went to the bathroom only to find her umbilical cord was coming out (yeah you heard me right) and she was rushed into an emergency c-section. She is in a lot of pain, but doing well.

Miles is plugging along with constant supervision of nurses who are doing a wonderful job. Please keep them in your prayers and I will keep this updated with any news.

Sorry the pictures aren't so good, there is only so much you can do.