I hate roller coasters

I dont know what is going on with me for the last few days. For months I have been doing really, really good. I had accepted everything with Miles, and was looking forward to having our next baby (not for a little while). But the last few days I have felt kinda sad. I just miss him and want to hold him. Last week I was able to talk to a friend who lost her baby 2 years ago and it just felt good to talk to someone who just knows, without having to explain, what it's like to lose a baby. It was nice because she didn't say, "well, it could be worse" or, "someone always has it worse", or any other saying people say. Not that I dont totally agree with those statements, but usuaally if I am expressing my feelings about being sad about it, it usually means I just want to vent and dont want to hear those things. So it was great to talk to her. Then over the weekend, I just got really sad. I want Miles to be here!!!!! I know he's safe, I know he's perfect, I know I will see him again, but dang it! Why does everyone else get to have their babies here? Why do they get to take gazillions of pics of their babies? Why do they get to hear them laugh, see them walk, and I dont? And then I remember...........because Miles was too perfect for this world, and I probably accepted this trial before I came to earth. What was I thinking? :) Then one of my best friends, who had pre-mie twins a year ago had a huge birthday bash for them on Monday and i didn't go. I feel really bad about this, but I just couldn't do it. I absolutely LOVE those babies and I am SOOO glad that they made it and overcame all the obsticles they had. But I just couldn't go. (Sorry Kristin). I am still feeling a little sad today, but I think I am back on the rise again because of 3 things. #1. Monday night I had the most wonderful dream!!! I dreamt that i was in the hospital, in the same room where I was when i had Miles, but I went into the hallway to show the nurses my beautiful, healthy baby girl. No problems, no NICU, no nothing! Just a beautiful healthy baby girl that I was taking home with me! I remember telling the nurses that I thought going back to the hospital to have another baby would be a lot harder than it was. I woke up and told Mark my dream and the first thing he said was, "maybe Heavenly Father is trying to tell you everything will be okay with your next pregnancy". Music to my ears!!! But then he said, "or maybe it was just a dream, who knows". That made me a little sad, but whatever it was, I felt way better!!!!! #2. I was talking to a girl I work with, Heather, who is all into healthy stuff and she told me she drank this herbal tea called raspberry leaf tea (or something like that) her whole pregnancy and it's supposed to make the sac thicker or something so it wont break. She said when she went to have her baby, the doc had to break her water because it was so thick it wouldn't break on it's own. Also music to my ears!!!!! You better believe I am drinking gallons of that when I'm preggo! #3. Also yesterday, a client at the salon told me her daughter also had her water break early at like 21 weeks. Thankfully her baby made it, but her daughter went on to have 2 more babies, with NO problems!!! Ahhhh! Happy day! i love hearing things like that. So even though I have had a few downer days, I am starting to feel good again.