I don't want to be FAT!!!!! :)

Well, it's been a couple weeks and I really dont have anything new to say. Nothing new has happened, I'm still just trying to plug along in my life. I have had a few bad days in the last couple of weeks. I am trying to lose some weight and it is just not happening. I have gotten to where I can run for 25 minutes straight though and I am feeling a lot better physically. I just cant seem to lose more than 5 pounds which is really frustrating when I was following Weight watchers to a tee and exercizing a LOT!!! So, as a result of not seeing much of a result, I haven't been doing very good the last couple of weeks at trying to follow weight watchers. I am kinda frustrated but really want to lose my baby/being married weight before I even start thinking about trying to have another baby, but I am losing my motivation fast!!!! Any suggestions????

Mother's Day

On Saturday night all the girls took my wonderful grandma out to dinner for Mother's day. We had so much fun!!!! L-R: me, Grandma, my cousin Heather, my aunt Deena, my aunt Annette, my cousin Stacey, my wonderful mamacita

Here is me and my Grandma. She is one of the most amazing people I know!!!! I was going to take a pic with my mom too, but forgot. My Mom is also one of the most amazing people I know! Love ya Mom!!!

I got to work on Friday, and these flowers were waiting for me!!!! I love flowers!! I wonder who they are from????

I dont know if you can see it very well, but they are from my wonderful hubby and my baby boy!!!! How sweet!!!!!!! A few months ago, I told Mark that I wanted to get a fireproof box for all of Miles' pictures and stuff because if we ever had a fire, I would be sad to not have ANYTHING to remember Miles by. So along with the beautiful flowers Mark got me a fireproof box!! I was so excited!!!!!!! He is so sweet and always remembers things like that.

SOOOO............

After anticipating Mother's day being very hard for me, it turned out it was really good! I had been praying for weeks that it wouldn't affect me in a negative way, and once again, I know my prayers were answered. After talking to my sis-in-law one Sunday and telling her I was really dreading Mother's day, she helped me have a different perspective of it. I have a child and he is perfect!!! Now that is something to celebrate!!! I know Miles loves me and is aware of me. That's all I needed to make it great! Not only that, I have some very wonderful friends and family who sent me cards, flowers, text messages, etc to let me they were thinking of me on this potentially hard day. Thank you everyone who has shown their love for me!!!!!! On Sunday, church was great and I felt the spirit so much. We then spent the evening with my family and I got to talk to my little brother Tanner who is on his mission in Russia. It is amazing how Heavenly Father is so aware of me. He knew how hard that day could have been but sent me amazing people who made me feel loved and happy!!!!

A Bereaved Parent's Wishlist

This poem fully explains many feelings I have been having lately, so I thought I would share.


I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.
I wish you wouldn't be be afraid to speak my child's name. My child LIVED and was very important to me. I need to ear that he was important to you.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears.
You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his artwork, or other rememberances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is NOT contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me.
I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
I know you think of and pray for me often. I know that my child's death pains you, too.
I wish you would let me know those things througha phone call, a card, a note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over ina short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over.
I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover.I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy".
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you would understand how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable to be around me when I am feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say "I'm doing okay" I wish you would understand that I don't "feel" okay and I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all the grief reations I'm having are very normal.
Depression, anger, hopelessness and OVERWHELMING SADNESS are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to me "take one day at a time" is excelleant advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you would understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend alone
I wish you would understand that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain.
But........I pray daily that you will NEVER understand.

I dont know who tha author is, but I love this poem!!!!!

Miles' Headstone

So we finally got Miles' headstone put in and it looks great! Finally, after I couldnt stand to go look at a pile of dirt, it's in! Now I just wish the grass would hurry and grow in. I don't know why, but i feel so much better knowing Miles' headstone is in. I think it helped me accept it a little more. It's actually been good lately. For the most part I have really good days! Only a few bad one's here and there. It's amazing how when you decide to change your attitude how much happier you are. I do have to admit though, I get a little anxiety wondering how Mother's day will be. I hope it's a good day. :)

ASU here we come!

By the way..............................Mark got into the Social work program at ASU!!! I am so proud of him!!!

Random stuff over the past few weeks

So last week I cut my cousin Heather's hair into the coolest haircut ever!! Like it?

Yup! It's a mullet. ha ha. Just kidding...... I didn't really leave it like this. I actually cut it into a cute pixie haircut but I couldn't resist taking pics of it at this stage! We laughed for a while at this one!!! Sorry Heather, I hope you dont kill me for putting these pics on.

I just thought this was cute!!! Tay and my mama

A few Sundays ago, we went to my aunt and uncle's for dinner. Here is my cousin Heather's son Zach "dogging" for Bella. Get it? "Dogging"!!! I kill myself. ha ha ha

Taylor, my studly baby bro

A few weeks ago, I went to watch Taylor, my youngest brother, at his track meet. Obviously you can tell he does shot put and discus. I am a really bad sister cuz this was the first time I have ever seen him do this. He did a great job!! I just wanted to share the pics and brag about my studly baby bro. :)