Oh Father, my father

Oh Father, my father

Close your eyes and feel me near
keep me inside your heart
let me live in your soul
you see through tears
the things we will never do
running across the fields of my youth
games never played
but it is not gone
those dreams you hold so close
for I live in every child you see
little ones standing alone......lost
or laughing in a playground
swinging so high
touching the tree tops
that is I
wanting just to love
feel my happiness in the song of a bird
see my sorrow in mother
hold her close forever
feeling your strength
for there will be one to come behind me
whether through God's grace or
from a different calling
a child chosenthrough his hand.
For in darkness, a light will appear
even if it is just the dawn
signaling a new beginning
as you gather my mother to your heart
release your tears
let the healing begin
and discover that I am here
in your dreams
in your tomorrows
Every rainbow is the path home
and if you should stumble
I am the wings that shall lift you

Love, your child


Happy Father's day Babe. You are a great Father!!! I love you!

The story of the prince and princess

Once upon a time.....there was a handsome prince who got into the Social Work program at ASU, so he had a mission today,................to meet the King of the Social Work program to work out his fall schedule. So he and the beautiful princess decided to take a long journey to the far off land called downtown Phoenix ASU campus to complete this mission. They began their journey on a wonderful magical train called the light rail.......

Here is the handsome prince and the beautiful princess on their journey on the magical lightrail train, where they met some scary homeless people and other smelly creatures. The princess was scared, but the handsome prince protected her..........

They passed many different lands, ASU main campus, Cristie's Cabaret, the dog tracks, the princesses father's work, the zoo, and many other magical lands....................

When they finally reached the far off land called downtown campus at ASU, they had never seen anything like it! Buildings, as tall as the clouds, lots of different looking people, and so much traffic...............

They were even building many new castles in the far off land called downtown Phoenix ASU campus, as you can see here in the pic.............................

After completing their mission and meeting with the King of the Social Work program at ASU to get the prince's fall schedule worked out, they were very hungry. It was very hard work. So they walked to the Hard Rock Cafe. Much to their HORRIBLE dismay......it was closed!!!! "What ever shall we do?" said the princess. "Don't worry, I will find somewhere!!!!" said the handsome prince. So they walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, around the corner to Carmine's Little Italy.........

The handsome prince ate spaghetti........................

and the princess..........uhhhh.......:)................................

had her diet coke.....with delicious pizza!!........................

They then returned home tired, fulfilled, and happy! It was a hard journey, but worth it. And they lived happily ever after!!!! THE END!!!

Shiver me timbers!!

HELP!!!! I've been captured by a pirate! Oh but wait......he is kinda cute!! HA ha.

(if you really want to know what hapened to my hubby, yesterday at work he cut his eye....his actual eyeball!!!! So he got to wear this awesome pirate patch all day!!! Today I took him to the doctor and it's totally healed after getting a big gash in it yesterday. CAn you believe that?)

I just had to share how cute he is.

Visiting Miles and my aha moment!!

Today was a great day. Both Mark and I had the day off so we were able to spend the whole day together. This morning I woke up and Mark wasn't in bed, so I went into the living room to find him on the couch. He was already awake so I laid down next to him and the first thing he said was, "tomorrow will be 6 months huh". Of course I knew immediately, that yes, tomorrow will be six months since Miles passed away. Mark then told me he missed Miles and that he wanted to go to the cemetery to "visit" him. This made my heart happy!! I know that Mark loves and misses Miles, but typically it is me bringing him up or wanting to visit him at the cemetery. I have heard that when you lose a baby, this is pretty normal, but I was so happy when Mark suggested it. So, we ran some errands and then went to the cemetery. I was happy that all the little things I decorated his headstone with were still there. I had to take some pictures of my wonderful husband as he looked at Miles' headstone, this is the closest I can get to any pictures of my 2 boys!!! I am so grateful for my husband. He has been an absolutely wonderful support to me throughout this HUGE trial. I know he is sad a lot too, but he always lets me cry on his shoulder. I have heard that when you lose a child it can either make or break a marriage. I really feel that this is true, and it has definately made our marriage. I feel like we are closer than ever. I really dont know what I would do without Mark. I am so grateful that we are sealed for time and all eternity so that I can be with him and Miles forever!!

On another note.......at Girls camp I had the opportunity to do some thinking. I have been slacking so much on my personal scripture reading and praying. I had decided that when I got home from camp, I needed to make some new personal goals. I had also thought a lot about everything that happened with Miles and I truly feel that I am at a point where I have accepted it and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that He didn't take Miles away to punish me. (Not that I dont still get sad sometimes). I feel like I have overcome a lot. But at the same time, the thought of being pregnant again still terrifies me like nothing else!!! I want so badly to have a baby right now, but my fear outweighs that desire by like a hundred. So I decided I really need to work on having more faith in the Lord. I know He cant promise me that my next pregnancy will be perfect, but I need to trust Him more that He will give me what's best for me. So on Sunday I was reading a talk from General Conference by Elder Kevin W. Pearson of the Seventy called, "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ" and something he said hit me hard!!! He says, "If we desire more faith, we must be more obedient............Faith requires an attitude of EXACT obedience, even in the small, simple things". It was just amazing to me how the 2 things I know I need to work on, relate so well to each other. I knew at that moment that if I am better at the "small" things, my faith will increase more than I can comprehend. I am grateful that Heavenly Father helped me realized how I can better myself and prepare myself for things to come.

Girl's Camp

I just got back from Girl's Camp on Saturday. Man!! was it an experience. I had so much fun, but I guess I never realized how much work leaders put into it. It really helped me really appreciate my Young Women's leaders growing up. I did have lots of fun, but I was so glad to come home too. This is a pic of some of the girls from our wonderful Udall ward on the first night (skit night). I think theirs was the cutest!! Front row L-R: Angela, Sis. Burton (Brittney), Martha, Mary. Back row: me, Jori, and Kenyon.

Here is me and Angela. She is the funniest girl in the world!!! We had a lot of fun hagning out at camp. She is one of 17 kids. Yes, that's right, I said 17!!! 12 are adopted, and she is one. She is originally from Russia.

I had one HUGE Tender Mercy from the Lord while at camp. We were at Orchard camp and I found out that Gilbert stake (our previous stake) was at Main camp. So I was able to go over and see all my Young Women from Cullumber ward!!! It was so awesome!! I totally started balling when I saw them!! So here is me with some of the girls.

Here is me with Allie and Chelsea, two of my Beehives from Cullumber ward!!

At camp I was one of the leaders over the Junior staff. Junior staff is the girls in the stake that are graduating or have graduated, earned their YW medalion, and want to come to camp. Basically we were in charge of all the night programs and morning devotionals. Talk about a LOT of work!!! This is me, Jenni, and Suzette, the 3 leaders over Junior staff!

On the last full day of camp, I had some time that I got to spend with our ward, so we went to the creek and some of the crazy girls and the YW president got in the freezing cold water!!!!!

Me and Brittney hanging out by the water, definately not IN the water!!!

Here is most of our girls!!! Front: Linda, Martha, Jori, Sis. Maddock, Launa, Sis. Bingham. Back: Sis. Wilson, Sis. Burton, Me, Angela, Kenyon, Mary, Rachel, Sis. Christenson, Sis. Fairbanks.

Me and Kenyon!!!!

All of the fun Junior staff right before flag ceremony!!! i love these girls!!! L-R:Sis. Hathcock, Andrea, Me, Deana, Sis. Jacobson, Heather, Myrna

Me and Myrna!!!

Camp was AWESOME!!!! But I can definately wait a year for the next one!

I don't want to be FAT!!!!! :)

Well, it's been a couple weeks and I really dont have anything new to say. Nothing new has happened, I'm still just trying to plug along in my life. I have had a few bad days in the last couple of weeks. I am trying to lose some weight and it is just not happening. I have gotten to where I can run for 25 minutes straight though and I am feeling a lot better physically. I just cant seem to lose more than 5 pounds which is really frustrating when I was following Weight watchers to a tee and exercizing a LOT!!! So, as a result of not seeing much of a result, I haven't been doing very good the last couple of weeks at trying to follow weight watchers. I am kinda frustrated but really want to lose my baby/being married weight before I even start thinking about trying to have another baby, but I am losing my motivation fast!!!! Any suggestions????

Mother's Day

On Saturday night all the girls took my wonderful grandma out to dinner for Mother's day. We had so much fun!!!! L-R: me, Grandma, my cousin Heather, my aunt Deena, my aunt Annette, my cousin Stacey, my wonderful mamacita

Here is me and my Grandma. She is one of the most amazing people I know!!!! I was going to take a pic with my mom too, but forgot. My Mom is also one of the most amazing people I know! Love ya Mom!!!

I got to work on Friday, and these flowers were waiting for me!!!! I love flowers!! I wonder who they are from????

I dont know if you can see it very well, but they are from my wonderful hubby and my baby boy!!!! How sweet!!!!!!! A few months ago, I told Mark that I wanted to get a fireproof box for all of Miles' pictures and stuff because if we ever had a fire, I would be sad to not have ANYTHING to remember Miles by. So along with the beautiful flowers Mark got me a fireproof box!! I was so excited!!!!!!! He is so sweet and always remembers things like that.

SOOOO............

After anticipating Mother's day being very hard for me, it turned out it was really good! I had been praying for weeks that it wouldn't affect me in a negative way, and once again, I know my prayers were answered. After talking to my sis-in-law one Sunday and telling her I was really dreading Mother's day, she helped me have a different perspective of it. I have a child and he is perfect!!! Now that is something to celebrate!!! I know Miles loves me and is aware of me. That's all I needed to make it great! Not only that, I have some very wonderful friends and family who sent me cards, flowers, text messages, etc to let me they were thinking of me on this potentially hard day. Thank you everyone who has shown their love for me!!!!!! On Sunday, church was great and I felt the spirit so much. We then spent the evening with my family and I got to talk to my little brother Tanner who is on his mission in Russia. It is amazing how Heavenly Father is so aware of me. He knew how hard that day could have been but sent me amazing people who made me feel loved and happy!!!!