Yesterday

Yesterday was my due date. I really was anticipating it being a really hard day, but it wasn't too bad. The hard thing about it was thinking I would have been pregnant that long. (ha ha, that's a joke! I would have rather it been that way.) It almost seems like an eternity since Miles was born and past away. I really think it wasn't hard because I had a lot to do to keep my mind occupied. My grandpa was buried in the National Cemetery in Phoenix(where Veterans are buried) and it was a really cool experience. There was a Color Guard there who did the whole gun shooting thing (I dont know what it's called), played Tapps, and then they folded the American flag and presented it to my Grandma. I don't know why, but it made me really proud to live in America. With all the crazy stuff going on these days in our country, it's really hard sometimes to be proud to be an American. But after learning about my grandpa's military service and watching the presentation yesterday I really do feel proud. Anyway, back to Miles......I kept myself bus cleaning and doing other things, but then I had to find Miles Social Security card because my cousin was coming over to do our taxes. Of course it was at the bottom of the box of all his stuff. I really was doing good, but while going through all his stuff, I just lost it!!!! I just ache to have him. Sometimes I want to go back to the 2 days he was alive just to have him here. So after crying for a while, it was weird, I was just done! And then I felt much better. But I have decided that after watching my grandpa go through the dying process and having his funeral, etc, I am DONE with death. So no one better decide to die anytime soon!!!!!!