Tuesday, January 5, 2010
It's a............
Well, we just got home from my 16 week appointment. Actually it was an ultrasound.....so they told us what we are having. I have been sooooo sure the whole time that we were having a girl, I even had 3 dreams about this baby and it was a girl! But.......we are having another boy!!!!! We are very shocked, but couldn't be happier!!!! Now we just have to come up with a boy name!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The day Miles left us......a little late, I know
Happy late Christmas everyone! I hope your Christmas was as great as mine was. I sat on Christmas and thought about the difference between this Christmas and last Christmas and wow, this one was much better! I love the feeling at Christmas time! Sorry I dont have any pics of Christmas, I forgot my camera!!!!! ha ha.
Now on to other business. I have been meaning to write this for a while, but I've just been lazy about it. On Dec. 3rd, I was going to write about the day Miles passed away, but when that day came, I was doing so good, feeling so happy, I didnt want to write it that day. Not that I am doing bad now, but I really feel that it is important not to forget to write about that crazy, sad, amazing, spiritual day. So here it goes........
Wednesday December 3rd, 2008 is definately a day I would NEVER want to go back to, but I never want to forget. Mark woke up really early and went to check on Miles and everything was still the same. I remember being nervous every time he went up to the NICU to see him, for fear they would tell us more bad news. But they didn't that time. Yea! So a little later I got up, and tried to get myself a little presentable, (which took a while, for those of you who have had a C-section, you know why!) so that we could go see Miles. After we visited him we were going to go to the cafeteria to eat breakfast, which for me would be like juice or something, because they don't let you eat solid foods for a few days after a C-section. So we headed on up to the NICU. As we were going in to see Miles, his wonderful Dr, Dr. Weng met us in the hallway. She said, " I need to talk to you guys, unfortunately I have some bad news.". My heart just sank. We had gone from the night before where he was doing just a teeny bit better, to more bad news. She then proceeded to tell us that that morning they did a CT scan on him because he was bleeding internally and they thought it was in the brain, which fortunately he wasn't, but they had found that he was missing the Septum in his brain. She then told us he could live without it, but he would most likely be blind (okay, I can handle that), he would have to have hormone treatments his whole life because the Septum controls all of your hormones (can I handle that? At the time I didn't know enough about hormones and that stuff to know just how serious that is, and I now believe Miles' life would have been awful just for this reason alone, not to montion all the other health reasons), and that if he got sick, even with a common cold it could kill him (k, I dont know if I can handle that). She also told us that they had been working really hard on getting him to pee but nothing was working and that there was nothing else they could do for him, and that if he didn't pee in the next 24 hours, his organs would shut down. She also said that since he hadn't peed yet, he probably wont. She then siad we needed to start making decisions on whether or not we wanted them to resusitate (sp?) him if he started to die, which she recommended not doing because it would be painful for him and it would just prolong the fact that that he would probably die anyway. We also needed to decide if we wanted them to take him off life support if that time came that he was brain dead, etc. Now I know how I wrote this makes Miles' Dr sound like she's not very compasionate, but she was trying really hard not to break down telling us all of this. This part of the day is exactly why I NEVER want to go back to this day. After she told us all of this, I have never felt so devistated and helpless in my life. I wanted nothing more for a miracle to happen for our little Miles. So Dr. Weng took us to a private room where we could cry, which we both did, A LOT, for a long time. We then called our parents and had them come down to help us decide what to do. Luckily, both Mark and I had the same opinion about what to do, and now thinking about it, that was a huge blessing because it would have been a nightmare had we disagreed (not that is wasn't already a nightmare). So both our parents got there in about 20 minutes and we had a prayer and talked about what to do. We decided that Mark, my Dad, and my Father-in-law would give Miles a blessing that his kidneys would start working, but if they didn't and he started to go, we would take that as it was Heavenly Father's will that he not stay here, so we would not resusitate. I can honestly say, once we made that decision, I felt so much peace! It was amazing! I knew that we were doing what Heavenly Father wanted us to do. So by this time, both of our families started showing up and they had us all go into the waiting room, because they said it probably wouldn't be that long until he passed away. During those couple of hours, I felt the spirit comforting me so much and I actually felt okay knowing my little baby would not stay here with me for now. Sometimes now i think, how in the heck did I feel that way? But i know it's because the spirit was so strong. Finally, a nurse came in and said, "Mom and Dad, it's time". Wow, how I hate those words! We went down the hall where a loud siren with flashing blue lights were going off indicating i guess that someone was dying. We went into the room where Miles was
and they had cleared out all the other babies so we could have a private moment, and it was then I got to hold my beautiful baby for the first time. I actually do wish sometimes I could go back to this time. I want so badly to hold Miles again and kiss him and sing to him. While I held him the wonderful nurses took pictures and did everything so calmly. As one machine would go off, they would turn it down, so it wouldn't scare us. They were so sweet to us. It was hard to see them cry as we held our baby but I'm grateful they were there to help Miles. I am grateful that they kept reasurring me that he wasn't in any pain. After about 10 minutes I let Mark hold him and right about then, they let all of our family in to be there with us. I am so grateful to have such a loving supportive family that was there for us during this. I am so glad they were there. So during the last about 10 minutes he was alive, my mom, my sis-in-law Debbie, and some of the nurses took TONs of pictures. I am so glad they did that. Those pictures are now my most prized possesion. It was weird during all this time because I didn't cry at all. I can say too that in that little room, the spirit was stronger than I have ever felt it. It felt like the veil was so thin, and that there were many people there to come and get and take care of my little Miles. I wish I could feel that again. Later, Miles' Dr said we were the most calm she has ever seen any parents that had a baby die. I like to think it's because we know the wonderful Plan of Salvation and we knew exactly where Miles was going. So finally I saw one of the nurses hand Dr. Weng a note and she came over with her stethiscope and felt his heart. She then told us he was gone. That was really hard to hear, that your child is gone. If I remember right his exact death time was 2:10pm. By that time i was in a lot of pain so my mom and my mother-in-law gave him a bath and dressed him. We then had the whole rest of the day to hold him and love him. You would think it would be weird to hold a baby that is dead, but it wasn't at all. I am grateful I got to hold him as long as I did. We had lots of visitors that day and I am grateful for all the friends and family we have that showed us so much support. We also had a professional photographer from a groupl called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep come and take professional pictures of him and us and another lady came and took hand and feet molds of him. Really, the rest of the day was really good and I didn't cry again until I went back to my room knowing my baby was gone. I remember too my nurses were a little afraid to come and talk to me. I thought that was funny.
So there you go, that is everything I remember from Dec.3rd, 2008. I am so grateful that Miles is ours forever, and I have great Hope that we will be together again. I like to think that he is with his brother or sister right now, training them on what it's going to be like here. I wish we didn't have to go through this experience, but because we did, I am grateful for the things it has taught me, and I am grateful that it has made Mark and I's marriage even stronger. There have been many, many hard days since that day, but I am grateful to say that it's true waht they say, that time does heal all wounds.
P.S. when I find the cord to our camera, I have pictures of what we did to celebrate Miles' birthday!!!
Now on to other business. I have been meaning to write this for a while, but I've just been lazy about it. On Dec. 3rd, I was going to write about the day Miles passed away, but when that day came, I was doing so good, feeling so happy, I didnt want to write it that day. Not that I am doing bad now, but I really feel that it is important not to forget to write about that crazy, sad, amazing, spiritual day. So here it goes........
Wednesday December 3rd, 2008 is definately a day I would NEVER want to go back to, but I never want to forget. Mark woke up really early and went to check on Miles and everything was still the same. I remember being nervous every time he went up to the NICU to see him, for fear they would tell us more bad news. But they didn't that time. Yea! So a little later I got up, and tried to get myself a little presentable, (which took a while, for those of you who have had a C-section, you know why!) so that we could go see Miles. After we visited him we were going to go to the cafeteria to eat breakfast, which for me would be like juice or something, because they don't let you eat solid foods for a few days after a C-section. So we headed on up to the NICU. As we were going in to see Miles, his wonderful Dr, Dr. Weng met us in the hallway. She said, " I need to talk to you guys, unfortunately I have some bad news.". My heart just sank. We had gone from the night before where he was doing just a teeny bit better, to more bad news. She then proceeded to tell us that that morning they did a CT scan on him because he was bleeding internally and they thought it was in the brain, which fortunately he wasn't, but they had found that he was missing the Septum in his brain. She then told us he could live without it, but he would most likely be blind (okay, I can handle that), he would have to have hormone treatments his whole life because the Septum controls all of your hormones (can I handle that? At the time I didn't know enough about hormones and that stuff to know just how serious that is, and I now believe Miles' life would have been awful just for this reason alone, not to montion all the other health reasons), and that if he got sick, even with a common cold it could kill him (k, I dont know if I can handle that). She also told us that they had been working really hard on getting him to pee but nothing was working and that there was nothing else they could do for him, and that if he didn't pee in the next 24 hours, his organs would shut down. She also said that since he hadn't peed yet, he probably wont. She then siad we needed to start making decisions on whether or not we wanted them to resusitate (sp?) him if he started to die, which she recommended not doing because it would be painful for him and it would just prolong the fact that that he would probably die anyway. We also needed to decide if we wanted them to take him off life support if that time came that he was brain dead, etc. Now I know how I wrote this makes Miles' Dr sound like she's not very compasionate, but she was trying really hard not to break down telling us all of this. This part of the day is exactly why I NEVER want to go back to this day. After she told us all of this, I have never felt so devistated and helpless in my life. I wanted nothing more for a miracle to happen for our little Miles. So Dr. Weng took us to a private room where we could cry, which we both did, A LOT, for a long time. We then called our parents and had them come down to help us decide what to do. Luckily, both Mark and I had the same opinion about what to do, and now thinking about it, that was a huge blessing because it would have been a nightmare had we disagreed (not that is wasn't already a nightmare). So both our parents got there in about 20 minutes and we had a prayer and talked about what to do. We decided that Mark, my Dad, and my Father-in-law would give Miles a blessing that his kidneys would start working, but if they didn't and he started to go, we would take that as it was Heavenly Father's will that he not stay here, so we would not resusitate. I can honestly say, once we made that decision, I felt so much peace! It was amazing! I knew that we were doing what Heavenly Father wanted us to do. So by this time, both of our families started showing up and they had us all go into the waiting room, because they said it probably wouldn't be that long until he passed away. During those couple of hours, I felt the spirit comforting me so much and I actually felt okay knowing my little baby would not stay here with me for now. Sometimes now i think, how in the heck did I feel that way? But i know it's because the spirit was so strong. Finally, a nurse came in and said, "Mom and Dad, it's time". Wow, how I hate those words! We went down the hall where a loud siren with flashing blue lights were going off indicating i guess that someone was dying. We went into the room where Miles was
and they had cleared out all the other babies so we could have a private moment, and it was then I got to hold my beautiful baby for the first time. I actually do wish sometimes I could go back to this time. I want so badly to hold Miles again and kiss him and sing to him. While I held him the wonderful nurses took pictures and did everything so calmly. As one machine would go off, they would turn it down, so it wouldn't scare us. They were so sweet to us. It was hard to see them cry as we held our baby but I'm grateful they were there to help Miles. I am grateful that they kept reasurring me that he wasn't in any pain. After about 10 minutes I let Mark hold him and right about then, they let all of our family in to be there with us. I am so grateful to have such a loving supportive family that was there for us during this. I am so glad they were there. So during the last about 10 minutes he was alive, my mom, my sis-in-law Debbie, and some of the nurses took TONs of pictures. I am so glad they did that. Those pictures are now my most prized possesion. It was weird during all this time because I didn't cry at all. I can say too that in that little room, the spirit was stronger than I have ever felt it. It felt like the veil was so thin, and that there were many people there to come and get and take care of my little Miles. I wish I could feel that again. Later, Miles' Dr said we were the most calm she has ever seen any parents that had a baby die. I like to think it's because we know the wonderful Plan of Salvation and we knew exactly where Miles was going. So finally I saw one of the nurses hand Dr. Weng a note and she came over with her stethiscope and felt his heart. She then told us he was gone. That was really hard to hear, that your child is gone. If I remember right his exact death time was 2:10pm. By that time i was in a lot of pain so my mom and my mother-in-law gave him a bath and dressed him. We then had the whole rest of the day to hold him and love him. You would think it would be weird to hold a baby that is dead, but it wasn't at all. I am grateful I got to hold him as long as I did. We had lots of visitors that day and I am grateful for all the friends and family we have that showed us so much support. We also had a professional photographer from a groupl called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep come and take professional pictures of him and us and another lady came and took hand and feet molds of him. Really, the rest of the day was really good and I didn't cry again until I went back to my room knowing my baby was gone. I remember too my nurses were a little afraid to come and talk to me. I thought that was funny.
So there you go, that is everything I remember from Dec.3rd, 2008. I am so grateful that Miles is ours forever, and I have great Hope that we will be together again. I like to think that he is with his brother or sister right now, training them on what it's going to be like here. I wish we didn't have to go through this experience, but because we did, I am grateful for the things it has taught me, and I am grateful that it has made Mark and I's marriage even stronger. There have been many, many hard days since that day, but I am grateful to say that it's true waht they say, that time does heal all wounds.
P.S. when I find the cord to our camera, I have pictures of what we did to celebrate Miles' birthday!!!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Miles' life day
Today is Miles' life day. Mark calls Dec. 2nd Miles' life day because he was alive on Dec. 2nd for the entire day!!! This day last year was so CRAZY!!!! After getting hardly any sleep from Dr's and nurses coming ALL night, Mark and I were exhausted. I was able to go visit Miles a few times that day and that was amazing. He was still not doing good at all, but that little fighter, he kept trying! Thinking about it now, I think he was doing it for us because we weren't quite ready to accept Heavenly Father's will. I am grateful for that, I really feel that Heavenly Father let him stay until we were ready to accept it. I remember going to see Miles one of the times and singing to him. I sang I am a Child of God and Families Can be together Forever. I still cant sing those songs without choking up. He also grabbed my finger and distinctly remember thinking, "he does know who I am!!!". That made me so happy. I also remember being able to take a shower!!! That was amazing!! I finally able to take off the huge bandage on my stomach and WOW! what a sight. Because Miles was not breathing when he was born, they had to cut me open from navel to pubic bone and all the way across to get him out as fast as possible. (If you want to ever see the scar, it's pretty cool looking, ha ha).For some reason though as I type this, most of Dec. 2nd, 2008 was a blur (maybe because I was on Percocet?!?!?!). We met with a social worker to discuss things that I dont remember, oh and I do remember falling asleep in my wheelchair in the waiting room of the NICU. That day both Mark's family and my family came to see Miles. They were all so amazing. I am so grateful that we both have such wonderful families. That afternoon, because we were both so tired we asked the nurses if we could put a sign on our door so no one would bother us (except Miles' doctors of course) and we took a 2 hour nap. That was so good!!! That night I remember one of Miles' doctors coming in and telling us she thought Miles was doing slightly better!! I remember that was music to my ears. Finally!!!! He is getting better!!!! I prayed so hard that night for my baby. I also hoped no Dr's would come in the middle of the night to tell us bad news, and they didn't!!!!!! That made us very optimistic. I do remember Mark getting up several times a night to go check on Miles. I am so grateful he did that when I couldn't. I am so grateful Miles had one full day of being here on the earth with us. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that day because I would spend every second with him!!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Happy Birthday Miles.....I miss you
Dear Miles,
WOW! I cant believe it has been a year since you came into this world. I want you to know that I will forever be changed because of you. I never knew how much I could love a child until I met you. Last year Dec. 1st was such a whirlwind of a day. I remember at about noon I had been hooked up to a Fetal monitor for about 2 hours and you just wouldn't move around! Which was so weird for you, because you were one crazy, active boy, even without having any fluid to move around in. The nurses tried everything to get you to wake up but you wouldn't. Finally they wanted to put me on oxygen to see if that would get you moving, but I really had to go to the bathroom, so they let me do that first. To my suprise, the umbilical cord came out of me! Well, the nurse told me I would have to be delivered right then......it was then that it seemed like all hell broke loose! There were instantly like 10 nurses in my room running around yelling moving my bed as fast as they could to the delivery room. I remember thinking, I should probably be freaking out right now, but I was totally calm. I am so grateful that Heavenly Fahter sent the spirit to comfort me at that time. Luckily when all this happened, your grandma Dahl had just showed up so she was able to call daddy to hurry up and come. I am so grateful she was there with me, even thought they wouldnt let her in the delivery room. Once we were in the delivery room it seemed like there was a hundred people in there!!!! I remember Dr. Spence coming in and holding my hand telling me she would take good care of us and that everything was going to be okay. well, they quickly put me under and within a few minutes......you were here!! I am also so grateful I was put under for the C-section because daddy told me later that you were not breathing and you had no heartbeat when you were born. Luckily we had the best Dr's and they were able to get you going again!!! I woke up about an hour later with NO pain medication, feeling like I had just been hit by a Semi-truck. Your daddy was there when I woke up and the first thing I asked was how you were doing. We didn't know anything yet, so he told me you were doing good, and I'm so glad he did that. The nurses got me all cleaned up, all drugged up and then they took me to see you! I had never felt so much love and joy at that moment I saw you. You were so tiny, and had so many tubes coming out of you, but to me you looked perfect. Well, they needed to get to work on you so they took me to my room and what a long day that was!!! You had so many visitors that day! SO many people were so excited to meet you. I remember feeling so relieved that no longer was my body in charge of you. I now feel guilty about that. What I wouldn't give now to have been pregnant for another year to have you here!!!! I want yo to know how much I know your Daddy loves you. He constantly went up to see you all day that day. I wish so badly I could have spent more time with you while you were alive, but everyone keeps telling me that wouldn't have been possible because of what I had just gone through. It was only a few hours after you were born that we met one of your Dr's, Dr.Weng. We didn't like her at first, but we grew to love her. She cared about you so much Miles. Sadly, when we met her she came to tell us you probably weren't going to make it. I have never prayed so hard for someone in my whole life! I wanted you so bad. I wanted to hold you and kiss you! That night one of the other Dr's came to tell us you were doing worse, so we decided to ask our bishop if we could give you a name and a blessing. At that time, Uncle Clint and Aunt Alison were there. I wanted to be up in your room when they did it, but it would have taken too long to get me there so the wonderful nurses let daddy call me on our cell phones and put them on speaker phone so I could hear. Your Daddy gave you such a beautiful blessing! I was so glad Clint and Alison were there. Aunt Alison stayed with me and she was able to write down a lot of what Daddy said. We didn't get much sleep that night because the Dr's and nurses came in a lot to update us on you. You were such a fighter!!!
Miles, my sweet baby boy, I hope you know how much I love you!! I think about you everyday. I still get sad sometimes, but I am grateful to know you are mine forever!! I know that we will get all the tender moments I want one day. I hope you are happy and you know you will always be "Our Little Soldier".
Love ALWAYS,
Mommy
WOW! I cant believe it has been a year since you came into this world. I want you to know that I will forever be changed because of you. I never knew how much I could love a child until I met you. Last year Dec. 1st was such a whirlwind of a day. I remember at about noon I had been hooked up to a Fetal monitor for about 2 hours and you just wouldn't move around! Which was so weird for you, because you were one crazy, active boy, even without having any fluid to move around in. The nurses tried everything to get you to wake up but you wouldn't. Finally they wanted to put me on oxygen to see if that would get you moving, but I really had to go to the bathroom, so they let me do that first. To my suprise, the umbilical cord came out of me! Well, the nurse told me I would have to be delivered right then......it was then that it seemed like all hell broke loose! There were instantly like 10 nurses in my room running around yelling moving my bed as fast as they could to the delivery room. I remember thinking, I should probably be freaking out right now, but I was totally calm. I am so grateful that Heavenly Fahter sent the spirit to comfort me at that time. Luckily when all this happened, your grandma Dahl had just showed up so she was able to call daddy to hurry up and come. I am so grateful she was there with me, even thought they wouldnt let her in the delivery room. Once we were in the delivery room it seemed like there was a hundred people in there!!!! I remember Dr. Spence coming in and holding my hand telling me she would take good care of us and that everything was going to be okay. well, they quickly put me under and within a few minutes......you were here!! I am also so grateful I was put under for the C-section because daddy told me later that you were not breathing and you had no heartbeat when you were born. Luckily we had the best Dr's and they were able to get you going again!!! I woke up about an hour later with NO pain medication, feeling like I had just been hit by a Semi-truck. Your daddy was there when I woke up and the first thing I asked was how you were doing. We didn't know anything yet, so he told me you were doing good, and I'm so glad he did that. The nurses got me all cleaned up, all drugged up and then they took me to see you! I had never felt so much love and joy at that moment I saw you. You were so tiny, and had so many tubes coming out of you, but to me you looked perfect. Well, they needed to get to work on you so they took me to my room and what a long day that was!!! You had so many visitors that day! SO many people were so excited to meet you. I remember feeling so relieved that no longer was my body in charge of you. I now feel guilty about that. What I wouldn't give now to have been pregnant for another year to have you here!!!! I want yo to know how much I know your Daddy loves you. He constantly went up to see you all day that day. I wish so badly I could have spent more time with you while you were alive, but everyone keeps telling me that wouldn't have been possible because of what I had just gone through. It was only a few hours after you were born that we met one of your Dr's, Dr.Weng. We didn't like her at first, but we grew to love her. She cared about you so much Miles. Sadly, when we met her she came to tell us you probably weren't going to make it. I have never prayed so hard for someone in my whole life! I wanted you so bad. I wanted to hold you and kiss you! That night one of the other Dr's came to tell us you were doing worse, so we decided to ask our bishop if we could give you a name and a blessing. At that time, Uncle Clint and Aunt Alison were there. I wanted to be up in your room when they did it, but it would have taken too long to get me there so the wonderful nurses let daddy call me on our cell phones and put them on speaker phone so I could hear. Your Daddy gave you such a beautiful blessing! I was so glad Clint and Alison were there. Aunt Alison stayed with me and she was able to write down a lot of what Daddy said. We didn't get much sleep that night because the Dr's and nurses came in a lot to update us on you. You were such a fighter!!!
Miles, my sweet baby boy, I hope you know how much I love you!! I think about you everyday. I still get sad sometimes, but I am grateful to know you are mine forever!! I know that we will get all the tender moments I want one day. I hope you are happy and you know you will always be "Our Little Soldier".
Love ALWAYS,
Mommy
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I need to vent
I need to let this out.....so to those of you who read this, I'm sorry you will get the brunt of this. I am depressed today. Yes, I went to church, listened to the speakers, went to Young Women's and tried not to be, but I feel depressed. I kept thinking, "why do I feel depressed?". And then it came to me, in about a week, it will be Miles 1st birthday. Or should I say what should be his first birthday. Followed 2 days later by the year anniversary of when he left us. I really thought it wasnt going to be this hard to come upon this, but for the past week it has been. It could also be because I pretty much feel like crap all the time and spend a lot of my time staring into my toilet bowl. I know, you are all probably thinking, "that's a good thing! That means (hopefully) that things are going right with your pregnancy! You should be happy that you are even able to get pregnant, because there are many people who have a hard time." And this I know, I am very grateful that I am pregnant. I am grateful for my wonderful Dr's who really truly care about me and this baby, and I am grateful that I got pregnant as quickly as I did. But I am scared to death that I wont get to bring this baby home with me either. I know the chances of that are slim, but I'm not dumb enough to think I am now immune to bad things happening to me. As was manifested this last Tuesday when our house was broken into and the dumb guys took about $500 worth of our stuff. That was a bad feeling. I just feel violated. So putting those 2 things together, I feel like I should be praying more. But I just dont want to. I know deep down that it will make me feel better, but I am tired. I am tired of pleading for help from my Heavenly Father. He must be annoyed with me sometimes. I am tired of praying that this pregnancy will go perfect when I know I have no power to make it go perfectly. I feel like even if I pray for it or I dont, it wont matter because the Lord will do His will anyway. I know it is probably bad to think that way, but I cant help it lately. I am having a hard time truly turning my will to the Lord's, because if His will is to take this baby, I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!
Okay, I think I feel much better now. I really just needed to vent. Now that I said all that stuff, I know what I need to work on. My faith and my hope. I need to improve my relationship with the Lord so that I can be happy and enjoy this new life growing inside of me. I know Heavenly Father loves me and He truly does want me to be happy, and 99% of the time I am. I am just having a bad day. So excuse me while I go pray.............
Okay, I think I feel much better now. I really just needed to vent. Now that I said all that stuff, I know what I need to work on. My faith and my hope. I need to improve my relationship with the Lord so that I can be happy and enjoy this new life growing inside of me. I know Heavenly Father loves me and He truly does want me to be happy, and 99% of the time I am. I am just having a bad day. So excuse me while I go pray.............
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Team Awesome is getting a fourth player!!!!!!
Well I guess since my mom already posted it on her blog and let out the surprise this may not come as a shock to some of you. But..........I found out a couple of weeks ago that I am pregnant! We are very excited, but also very nervous. I have already had 2 break downs and had to have a blessing, but I think I have a good feeling about this one. No I know that doesn't necessarily mean that I will get to bring this baby home, but for the most part I have peace that everything will be okay. I have already been feeling sick, and everyone tells me that is good because that means so far things are going right, which I agree, but at the moment I feel that if I dont get to keep this baby here on the earth with me, I dont want to go through this again. But I do feel grateful that I can get pregnant as easy as I can and that I am lucky enough to have one perfect child already. I just want to keep this one here!!!!! So, for me, just pray this one goes 100% better than the last one!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Conference Weekend
Conference weekend, Mark and I got to go to Utah for our Mission Reunions and Conference! I had never been to conference so I was so excited to go!!! We had a great time and I loved it! On our way up we stopped in Vegas and stayed with some friends that live there. So we went to dinner at New York New York on the strip, so here is me and Mark there.
Here is me, Mark, Stacey, and Richard. And contrary to what you may think, no I am not pregnant. After uploading all these pictures I realize I hate them all....but hey, I guess you need to document even the fat years!! ha ha.
Here's Mark playing his dollar in the slots! He even won $2!
I didnt win anything :(
At my mission reunion!!! It was awesome seeing so many missionaries I served with that I hadn't seen in over 2 years. Here is me and Kristine (one of my companions) and her cute baby boy Kanyon.
Here is me with the other Christine. We were never companions, but we were in the MTC together and got to be very close.
The whole group!
Me and Kathy, my MTC companion and companion again at 6 months! Oh and the reason you dont see Mark in any of these is because he left to go to his reunion. I didnt want to miss out on seeing anyone!
Me after the Saturday morning session of conference on top of the conference center. It was so good, as you can tell by the lack of makeup that was cried off during the session. I'm such a baby!!
I hate this pic of me sooo much, but it was the only one of me and Mark at conference. You cant tell but that is the conference center behind us.
I had to get a pic of the protestors. They were funny. I wanted to get a pic of this one guy. He was dressed as satan and had a sign that said something like, "all these guys are my disciples, listen to them if you want to be miserable" or something like that. It was so funny!
Oh and during the priesthood session, me, my mom, my aunt Lorraine, and my cousins Heidi and Lori and their kids, and one of my companions Kristine went to the most amazing store ever......Tai Pan!! It is like Disneyland for house decor. You will be shocked and amazed that I didn't buy one thing!!!! I'm so proud of myself!!! That trip was fast, but so much fun! I'm so glad I got to go to conference and feel the spirit of being in the presence of the prophet and the General Authorities!!!
Oh and last week we babysat our niece and nephew William and Gracie and Gracie went and laid on Mark and kept giving him kisses on the cheek so I had to take a pic. It was so darn cute!!!!
Oh and last week we babysat our niece and nephew William and Gracie and Gracie went and laid on Mark and kept giving him kisses on the cheek so I had to take a pic. It was so darn cute!!!!
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