Come What May, and Love It

So after feeling sorry for myself all last week and after reading and re-reading my post from last week, I kept thinking to myself, "okay Ashley, it's time for an additude change because you can't keep feeling sorry for yourself all your life and feeling like it wasn't fair that your baby was temporarily taken away from you." But the problem was, I couldn't get myself out of that funk! I kept praying and praying to know what I should do to not keep getting jealous of other people and to not keep getting sad or upset that this horrible thing happened to me. Because the crazy thing is, it that SOOO many wonderful blessing have come to Mark and I since Miles passed away that were obviously from a Loving Heavenly Father that I was just being dumb thinking things like, "How come this had to happen to me?" So Sunday morning I prayed that I would feel the spirit at chruch and that I could get over this self pity stage. In Relief Society the lesson was on Elder Worthlin's talk, Come What May, and Love It, and it was totally an answer to my prayers. Also, my favorite RS teacher was the one who taught it. I had actually read this talk many times while being on bedrest and in the hospital it just never hit me like it did on Sunday. I learned 2 great things on Sunday after that lesson and then going home and re-reading that talk. #1: When people say we need to be grateful for our trials and "love them" I always say, "uh huh, you are right" but deep down I think, "how in the heck in the moment of dispair and absolute depression right in the middle of a HUGE trial can you be grateful for it?" Elder Worthlin addresses this perfectly. He says, "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't-at least not in the moment. I don't think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don't think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneatha cloak of pretented happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life". It was exactly what I needed to hear because I always was confused about how to feel grateful for trials without acting fake. So I realized it's okay to feel sad and depressed sometimes but that if we react in a good way to a trial we will be much happier. So at that moment it changed my whole outlook on "my trial". The other thing that stuck out to me is when he talks about the Priciple of Compensation. I always have known that Heavenly Father will compensate us for our losses, but I never thought of it as a principle of the gospel. It's AMAZING!! The Lord WILL compensate the Faithful for EVERY loss!! my favorite part is where he says, "While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a HUNDREDFOLD with tears of rejoicing and gratitude". A Hundredfold! Isn't that amazing? SO as sad as I have felt some days since losing Miles, I WILL feel a hundred times happier one day. It hit me SO hard when I heard that in RS on Sunday. Even as I read it again now as I write it, I can feel the Spirit confirm that to me again. So as of right now, I don't feel sorry for myself because one day, when I have my sweet little Miles again, it will be a hundred times better. P.S. sorry...this was a really long post!!! :)